I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
