I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
