her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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