im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
