bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
