It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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