awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
As shirtless as possible
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize