Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize