Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
