dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Randomize
