i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
