I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
