I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
