oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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