there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
