Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
