I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
