I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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