Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
