he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
