well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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