I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
