Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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