Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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