After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
