Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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