I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
