Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
