Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just pee around me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
