May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
