Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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