Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
either way he was missing a nipple.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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