He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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