In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
