So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
