I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's the barista slut.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
