I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we're making bets on your personal life
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Randomize
