If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
