Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm bleeding and have questions
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
