She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
