i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
