I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
