i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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