tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
