Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
