May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
