i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
