So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please come you make the beer taste better
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
