remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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