took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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