remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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