So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
