Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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