mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
