And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
