I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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