I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
