anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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