You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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