ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
